A Reflection on Shadow Projections

The "personal shadow," as psychologists call it, contains all the parts of ourselves that we push out of our view. It’s a normal defense mechanism, often developed in childhood to protect us from being shamed or reprimanded. We might put our ability to ask for help into our shadow because we're afraid of being a burden. We might put our ability to speak our truth into our shadow because we're afraid of hurting someone or losing their love.

What serves as a defense in childhood, however, can become an obstacle in adulthood. I was reflecting on this recently after watching a video by Dr. Steve Mortenson on the topic, and it led to a few powerful "aha" moments.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5udJgxOBrtk

The Therapist's Shadow Work

My first realization came when Mortenson talked about the importance of being curious to diffuse our shadow projections. It made me reflect on my own training and education as a therapist.

Throughout my education, I've been trained extensively to self-reflect and become aware of my own inner biases and shadow parts. Learning to be compassionate and have empathy for others helps me understand why they do the things they do. I've often been told that I am "extremely understanding, patient, and calm," and after this reflection, I can see how this disposition is a direct benefit of the shadow work I've learned to do in my professional life. It has deepened my ability to connect with and understand others.

The Loud Bell: Projecting Our Own Judgment

My second "aha" moment was much more personal. Mortenson said something that I felt deep in my bones. He stated that "we project our own self-judgment. And then accuse someone else of judging us."

This rang a very loud bell in my head. I do this a lot! It's that feeling when you're convinced someone is judging you, but in reality, you're just projecting your own insecurities and self-criticism onto them. I also have a close friend who does this often, and seeing it laid out so clearly gave me a new layer of understanding and compassion for both of us.

The Path Forward: Curiosity

This reflection has reinforced my commitment to being aware of my shadow's role in my daily interactions, especially when I feel triggered by other people. When we feel set off by someone's arrogance, greed, or bossiness, it's often because they're showing us something we've been taught to fear or disown in ourselves. The path to defusing that trigger isn't judgment, but curiosity—a willingness to take a step back and compassionately own all parts of ourselves.