When Boundaries Are Not So Simple in Therapy

Therapists talk a lot about boundaries.

And for good reason.

Boundaries protect clients. They help keep the therapeutic relationship clear, safe, and focused. They reduce the risk of exploitation, confusion, favoritism, and harm. In therapy, where there is already a power difference between client and clinician, boundaries matter deeply.

But boundaries are not always simple.

In real life, therapists and clients may run into each other at the grocery store, the gym, community events, online spaces, or professional networks. A former client may invite a therapist to a celebration. A current client may send a friend request. A client may offer to refer people to the therapist’s practice.

These situations are called dual relationships.

A dual relationship happens when a therapist or human service professional has more than one role with a client. For example, someone may be both a therapist and a friend, therapist and teacher, therapist and business contact, or therapist and community member.

Most of the time, dual relationships are discouraged because they can blur roles and create ethical risks. But the reality is more complicated than simply saying, “Never.”

Why Dual Relationships Can Be Risky

Dual relationships can affect the safety and clarity of the therapeutic relationship.

For example, if a therapist accepts a dinner invitation from a former client, the client may begin to see the therapist as a friend. If the therapist attends a social event, other people may wonder how they know each other, which could unintentionally expose the client’s private history.

If a therapist accepts referrals from a client, the relationship may start to feel like a business partnership instead of a clinical relationship. The client may feel special, responsible, or entitled to something in return.

If a therapist accepts a client’s personal social media request, the client may gain access to the therapist’s private life. That can shift the emotional tone of therapy and create confusion about the relationship.

These risks are real.

Boundaries help protect confidentiality, objectivity, and trust.

Public Encounters Are Complicated

One of the most common boundary situations is running into a client in public.

What happens if a therapist sees a client at the gym, in a store, or at a community event?

The ethical answer is usually: protect the client’s privacy first.

That means the therapist should not greet the client in a way that reveals the therapeutic relationship. Even saying “Hi, good to see you!” could create questions from others nearby.

A client should get to decide whether they want to acknowledge the therapist publicly.

This can feel awkward, but it is about protecting confidentiality. A therapist can always talk about it later in session:

“If we see each other in public, how would you like me to respond?”

That conversation gives the client choice.

Social Media Makes Boundaries Even More Complex

Online spaces add another layer.

Many therapists have professional social media pages for education, marketing, or community engagement. But personal friend requests from clients are different.

A public professional page may be visible to anyone. A private personal page creates a more direct relationship. It may expose information about the therapist’s family, beliefs, friendships, location, or personal life.

That is why many clinicians choose not to accept client friend requests on personal accounts.

Declining does not have to be cold. It can be explained clearly:

“I don’t connect with clients through personal social media because I want to protect your privacy and keep our work together clear.”

The goal is not rejection. The goal is protection.

Culture Changes How Boundaries Feel

This is where the conversation becomes more nuanced.

In some cultural contexts, warmth, shared space, physical affection, food, community connection, and overlapping roles are normal expressions of care.

For some clients, especially those from communities where healing is relational and communal, rigid boundaries may feel confusing, distant, or even rejecting.

As a woman of color, I often think about this tension.

In my culture, care can look like a warm meal, a hug, mentorship, shared wisdom, and showing up beyond a narrow professional role. In many clinical systems, those same gestures may be viewed with suspicion.

That does not mean boundaries should disappear. But it does mean we need to think critically about how boundaries are applied.

A one-size-fits-all approach does not always work.

Trauma-Informed Flexibility

I believe therapists need what I call trauma-informed flexibility.

This does not mean ignoring ethics. It means applying ethics with context, humility, and care.

For clients with trauma histories, abandonment wounds, foster care experiences, or histories of institutional harm, boundaries may carry emotional meaning. A declined invitation, a lack of acknowledgment in public, or a social media boundary may feel like rejection, even when the therapist is trying to protect the client.

That is why transparency matters.

Instead of simply saying no, therapists can explain:

• why the boundary exists

• how it protects the client

• what care still looks like within the therapeutic relationship

• how the client feels about it

• how similar situations can be handled in the future

Boundaries are most helpful when they are clear and relational.

The Therapist’s Responsibility

Therapists also have to be honest with themselves.

Before crossing or softening a boundary, the therapist should ask:

• Who benefits from this?

• Could this confuse the client?

• Could this create dependency?

• Could this compromise confidentiality?

• Could this affect my judgment?

• Am I meeting the client’s need, or my own?

• Would I feel comfortable consulting about this with a supervisor?

These questions matter because good intentions are not enough.

A boundary crossing may feel caring in the moment and still create harm later.

Final Reflection

Therapeutic boundaries are not just rules. They are part of the container that makes healing possible.

But boundaries also need to be culturally responsive, trauma-informed, and human.

The goal is not to be cold. The goal is to be clear.

The goal is not to erase connection. The goal is to protect it.

Ethical therapy requires both warmth and structure, both compassion and accountability. In the real world, that balance is not always simple, but it is always worth thinking about carefully.

References

McDougall, T. D. (2023). It’s not our way: Navigating the principle of dual relationships as a First Nation practitioner. Canadian Journal of School Psychology, 38(3), 203–213. https://doi.org/10.1177/08295735231172832

National Association of Social Workers. (2021). Code of ethics of the National Association of Social Workers. https://www.socialworkers.org/About/Ethics/Code-of-Ethics/Code-of-Ethics-English

Reamer, F. G. (2021). Boundary issues and dual relationships in the human services (3rd ed.). Columbia University Press.